What Does a Biblical Relationship Look Like?
In this article on Boundless, Scott Croft explores differences between courtship and dating. As you can see, the difference isn't merely semantic:
Courtship ordinarily begins when a single man approaches a single woman by going through the woman's father, and then conducts his relationship with the woman under the authority of her father, family, or church, whichever is most appropriate. Courtship always has marriage as its direct goal.He goes on to elaborate on the motives, mindset, and methods of each approach to relationship-building.
What then is dating? Dating, a more modern approach, begins when either the man or the woman initiates a more- than-friends relationship with the other, and then they conduct that relationship outside of any oversight or authority. Dating may or may not have marriage as its goal.
posted by Ted Slater @ 3:48 PM
9 comments
9 Comments:
Thanks for the comment on my blog. Looks as if you're a regular Boundless reader? I'm also familiar with Josh Harris and New Attitude, having grown up in the Northwest homeschool culture.
I don't agree with Croft's assertion that courtship which automatically goes through the woman's father for approval is the biblical model.
All the biblical evidence that he gives does not support this assertion. There is no passage in scripture that says that a man must automatically go through the woman's father for approval.
I speak from experience here. I married my wife despite her father's vehement disapproval. He called himself a Christian but has been in trouble with the law, has been divorced twice, has committed adultery and has committed perjury in court. He hated me so much he refused to turn up to the wedding. Even now, nearly 13 years later, he refuses to talk or have a relationship with me.
I think you've missed his main point, which is that courtship is more biblical than dating because it is conducted under some form of authority, whether it be "father, family, or church."
In defining "courtship," Croft says it "ordinarily begins when a single man approaches a single woman by going through the woman's father, and then conducts his relationship with the woman under the authority of her father, family, or church, whichever is most appropriate."
Notice that he says "ordinarily," not "always" or as you've credited him as asserting that it "automatically goes through the woman's father for approval." He does talk about authority passing from the father to the husband, but again this isn't him saying that courtship through the father's approval is the biblical model.
He leaves room for those exceptions where courtship won't work under the father's approval (such as yours or an instance where a woman's father has passed away or is not in the picture) through his use of "under the authority of her father, family, or church."
Hello Splash, and thanks for stopping by my blog.
I like your style here!
As a note to this post, how does the system of courtship jive with the Scriptural account of God's behavior in proposing pregnancy directly to the Virgin Mary, without any mention of her father or betrothed or any other male authority?
Your question reminds me of the WWJD movement. I'm not sure that God's behavior sets an example for our behavior in all instances. Descriptively, His ways are not as our ways; perhaps that's prescriptive as well. We are to follow Christ, but are we to imitate Him? I'm not sure.
Would it be right for us sinful humans to go into church with a whip and cause a ruckus like Jesus did? Would it be right for all men to follow Jesus' pattern of not taking a wife?
So, would it be right for humans to imitate the Lord's proposition that Mary would become pregnant outside of a marriage to Him? I'd say no. It's not appropriate to imitate God in all His actions -- His wrathfulness, His jealousy, His interaction with this young single lady in the Middle East.
Great question! I hadn't thought of that before. :-)
Splash,
I agree with you that the imitation of God is not an absolute human prerogative- humans are not God, and the duty which should be prior to imitating God appropriately is the duty of not wanting to be God. Without such a duty to guard the alien divinity of God, our duty to imitate God would be empty because our concept of God would become nothing more than the mirror image of ourselves.
With that having been said, however, note that ancient Israel considered the laws and principles which God delivered as extensions of God's very nature, and the means by which humans might appropriately imitate God. Jesus, for all his radical ethics, explicitly decreed that He had not come to overturn the law, but to fulfill it. I would argue that though God's ethics are certainly above and beyond ours, we do not find God violating any of the laws which He delivers to His people. Thus.... should we not read God's behavior towards Mary as a legitimation of a certain kind of courtship... a revelation of the way things ought to be regarding young women?
MM wrote, "[W]e do not find God violating any of the laws which He delivers to His people."
But there are some of the Commandments that He is unable to follow. How, for example, does the Father obey His parents? And did He not make a likeness of something heavenly (by creating people), thus breaking the 2nd Commandment?
Consider how Abraham was instrumental in the process of Isaac getting a wife, and how Rachel included her family in her decision to accept the proposal (Gen. 24). Though I'm not encouraging that type of arranged marriage, the principle is that it's right and appropriate that the parents and family be involved in the process that leads to marriage.
You wrote, "Thus.... should we not read God's behavior towards Mary as a legitimation of a certain kind of courtship... a revelation of the way things ought to be regarding young women?" God is proposing impregnating a woman with whom He is not married, someone who is betrothed to another. That is definitely not appropriate behavior for men. I'm puzzled that you're flirting with the thought that it might be....
Splash!
you suggest- "God is proposing impregnating a woman with whom He is not married, someone who is betrothed to another. That is definitely not appropriate behavior for men. I'm puzzled that you're flirting with the thought that it might be...."
Oh dear no (lol) I AM proposing that Mary's exemplary conduct (being "highly favored of God") may indicate that a woman may righteously enter into a binding relationship by her own consent, and that the consent of a male authority figure is not the sine qua non of a holy relationship.
But God didn't enter into a marital relationship with Mary.
We *all* are free to enter into a binding relationship with God without consulting "a male authority figure." I encourage it, frankly. ;-)
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